True Confessions of a Procrastinator (among other labels)

This week's webinar is at 7 this evening, and yes, perhaps it's true that I just now got around to doing the workbook assignments. I respond very well to deadlines; I just often have that response within hours of said deadlines.

So here I am, going through the four exercises, and I'm finding myself a little overwhelmed. ("List things that make you who you are" -- so far we can write down "Procrastinator" and "Quick to Run Away from Problems"). I'm trying to write down some attributes, but the more I think about this exercise ("Over-thinker"), the more my attributes are starting to sound like a Match.com personal ad ("Likes Long Walks on the Beach and Nachos"). Saying simplistic attributes like "Sister" or "Writer" seem too bland and obvious; surely "Chilli Enthusiast," "Boggle Mastermind," and "Bearer of High Pain Tolerance" are far more colourful and entertaining. But why must I be colourful and entertaining in an exercise really only meant for my eyes? (Now adding "need to excel and please people" to my list).

Exercise two: defining which of these attributes are actual core identities versus merely labels haphazardly applied to me (or not so haphazardly, but I digress). Again, stumped, getting slightly annoyed with this process (now adding "Easily Frustrated"). How am I supposed to know which qualities are intrinsic and which are rules or beliefs? Can I pick and choose? I choose to believe that all positive things I've written down are intrinsic and all of the negative fluff isn't the real me. Sweet! Done!

Wait, that feels like cheating (adding "Painfully Honest" to the attribute list). Let's try this again. I really enjoy writing and it's a big part of how I express myself, how I conduct relationships with others, even how I obtain my livelihood; but isn't "writer" also a label and a behaviour? These gosh darned circles aren't as clear cut as they initially seem!

Suddenly the cheating isn't looking so bad. ("Good at rationalizing things. See also: can convince myself of most anything I desire.")

Let's just move on.

Exercise three: core identity statement. This could take years. I'm shelving this one. Next. (I already wrote down "Procrastinator," yes?)

Exercise four: Core Purposes. Or single purpose? We can have more than one, right? Regardless, I'm slightly confused by these "purpose(s)" -- are these supposed to be something we're currently identifying as a purpose, or more like a future goal? I have plenty of "purposes" right now, but at least 73% of those would fall under some kind of "negative behaviour pattern" that landed me in this program in the first place. I hardly think I should be meditating on those thoughts! Meanwhile, to say that my "purpose" is to sew clothes for homeless cats, well -- I'm not doing so well on fulfilling that life offering, am I? To say that that's my purpose seems downright mendacious. And I've already listed myself as "Painfully Honest."

What's a purposeful person who dislikes her purposes supposed to do with a giant list of Match.com qualifications, a couple of circles now more closely resembling a ven diagram, several scratched out identity statements, a doodle of a spider, and a looming deadline?

Character Strengths and Virtues

Hello Mental Pilates warriors!!

Has anybody had a chance to take the strengths and virtues survey?  I just retook mine and my strengths have shifted slightly.  I believe it is in parallel with the growth of Mental Pilates.  It is exciting to see the concept of Mental Fitness take-off.  I appreciate everyone's contribution.

Here are my results:

Pretty much right on the money, from where I sit.  The one that has entered for the first time is #3) Leadership.  I believe that is from the renewed experience of running a business for which I am deeply passionate.

I'm not sure how #1) Creativity, ingenuity & originality is very different from #5) Curiosity and interest in the world.  To me, this are intrinsically linked but I do not mind getting double credit!!!

Share your experience and let us know if there were any surprises!  For you MP veterans, take the survey again and see if there have been any shifts in your strengths and virtues.

Andy

No Bad Questions!!!

I know how new experiences are slightly awkward, at first.  Many of you have had questions about the exercises in the week one workbook.  I am delighted to answer any and all questions via. e-mail, but I also wanted everyone to know that the blog is an even better medium than e-mail for many questions.

People are sometimes relieved to know that others have questions and it helps reassure them that they are not alone in their confusion.  There are no bad questions...so ask away!!!

Andy

True Confessions of a homeworkophile

When asked if I was type A, my little brother would respond "No, she's type A plus." It is possible that he isn't exaggerating, at least in the homework realm. I love dotting my I's and crossing my T's so to speak and a workbook to fill out is way more exciting than it should be. I printed out the workbook yesterday and began the exercises. I was surprised to find though, that exercise one was more than filling something out and crossing it off in my planner...I kept on thinking about it for the rest of the day. I was haunted by the assignment, but in a good way.

Let me explain. I sat down with the blank sheet and came up with about 20 attributes before calling it a day. Most of them were labels like "sister", "grant-writer", and "MBA student"...coming up with them was really easy. I guess my psyche was not satisfied that I reduced myself to these 20 terms, because throughout the day I kept thinking of more and more things. Being type A+, I of course whipped out my workbook each time and neatly jotted it down with the same pen I had used for the rest of my entries. What was interesting though is that they became more and more complex as the day went on. In having to define myself to complete the assignment, I actually had to define myself for myself. I ended with much more revealing entries like "I am afraid of being alone", " I would do anything for my friends", and "I need some downtime/alonetime each day in order to thrive." I was just wondering if the assignment has caused anyone else to "scratch the surface" so to speak.

~ Sarah

Bad hair days, control issues, and Frisbees

It's official -- the day I never thought would arrive showed up with bells on yesterday: I attended my first Mental Pilates webinar session.

Now, just to set a couple of facts straight:

1. In no way am I claiming to be flawless and lacking the need for personal improvements, keys to happiness, or an overall mental health extreme makeover.

2. In no way am I implying that Mental Pilates can't aid in personal improvements, provide keys to happiness, or help with mental health makeovers.

I'm just dubious as to whether Mental Pilates can do all of this for me. I'm a hard nut to crack. Emphasis on the term "nut."

The hairs on the back of my neck first started to prick up when Andy began speaking about community involvement, asserting that only when secured in a community and establishing social connections can we feel at ease. At ease?! With people around me? That's when I'm the least at ease.

I thrive in solitude. I don't judge me or the extra weight I'd like to lose; I don't need to wear a perfectly accessorized ensemble to impress myself; I don't need to say the wittiest statement to entertain myself; and I certainly don't need to go out of my way to accomplish X, Y, and Z in order to feel successful or brilliant. I'm happy in the comfort of my home in years' old pajamas, unkempt hair, and knowing that at least I get my wacky sense of humour. You want to add people into that mix, and suddenly it's anxiety, stress, paranoia, and a sudden feeling that I don't measure up. Pass.

I was still trying to figure out how I could artfully navigate through my seven weeks of Mental Pilates and be considered a successful graduate of the program while still being a social recluse when Andy moved on to the topic of being in control of processing one's emotions.

Control? I like control. Keep talking.

Alright, so we're processing emotions... we're not going to let ourselves be derailed by one negative thing... we're going to stay positive... and we're going to move on.

This is where I'd insert my equivalent to Andy's "that's all well and good... for a dog!" exclamation.

Clearly we oughtn't let one negative blip on our radar throw us into a ravine of melodrama, no. But how are we supposed to properly process the blip without dwelling on it for a moment (or more)? I like to over-analyze, it's true. Guilty. And yes, clearly over-analyzing can lead to these negative thought process cycles of which Andy speaks. "How did this argument with my sister really begin? Let's start by looking at our childhood together and pick out every bad thing that every happened; that'll provide answers!" Add a bottle of Jack to that internal dialogue and you've got yourself a party.

But sometimes I feel like Mental Pilates is telling us to do the polar opposite: "You got in a fight with your sister? Let it go! Move on! Love one another!" To which I want to dig my heels in the dirt and cry out, "hold on there just a moment! I want to talk about this! I need answers!" And thus enters the whiskey and the party phase.

Where's the happy medium? Can't we talk, process, maybe even dwell on negative occurrences in our lives in a responsible and self-educating manner without spiraling out of control? To simply turn the cheek and "move on," that feels like the "for a dog!" approach.

Can we learn to balance along the edge of the ravine -– neither falling in nor running away in the opposite direction (simply "moving on") like a dog chasing a Frisbee?

Wait, has this entire blog post been an over-analyzation dissecting and reconstructing over-analyzation?

Crap. Quick, someone throw a Frisbee.

You say "health," I say "hokum."

As part of jump-starting my foray into Mental Pilates, I thought it best to visit Andy at his booth at the Health and Wellness Expo being held in town, support him in the nascent steps of his venture, show him that I was on-board, be there to provide my own brand of “atta-boy!,” love, good vibes, whatever. Plus I heard there was free stuff.

The first thing that struck me upon entering this tradeshow was that it was clear that not everyone was on the same page regarding the definitions of “health” and “wellness.” I hear “health and wellness,” and I think “multivitamins, exercising, and being forced into rehab against my will.” Clearly others at the expo were thinking “incense, magic rocks, chanting, and contacting the dead in order to get their take on the matter.”

To each their own, I strongly believe and support. However, what does this say about Mental Pilates?

I’ve always been on the fence regarding anything kool-aid-esque that promises serenity and well-being so long as I smile a lot and love thy neighbour and stop eating abused chickens. I entered into this arrangement of giving Mental Pilates a fair go of it, coming in with an open mind, but confirming that Andy’s mind was open as well – open to the acerbic sarcasm about to invade his life for the next seven or so weeks. We are each other’s Everests. So for me to find on day -1 that I’m being smacked with the scent of Nag Champa as I witness someone telling me I’ll lose weight by wearing a certain kind of ring on my finger, my kool-aid alarms are going off.

I’ll be fine; I have writing pithy editorials to vent my suspicions. But what about others like me? Does it make sense to advertize a mental health curriculum based on cognitive behavioural therapies and practical life-coaching theorems among a culture of alternative approaches widely disbelieved and mocked by the kool-aid intolerant? I may not be 100% on board with smiling and loving my neighbours, but I certainly wouldn’t group modern day psychology in the same category as tarot card readings.
But maybe that is the point? “To each their own” is the message to take away? The paranormal/alternative Health and Wellness crowd may not find themselves reading Psychology Today in the lobby of their mainstream health practitioner’s office. Comparing Mental Pilates to cognitive behavioural strategies may have these folks sounding their own version of Do Not Want alarms. By positioning himself as One of Them, perhaps Andy’s just doing his best to appeal to the widest spectrum possible.

Just so long as he’s also setting up booths in an incense-free, No Chanting Allowed, westernized conference next month, I’ll believe this is a case of brilliant marketing strategy as opposed to my cue to jump ship.

I’ll even forgive the fact that by the time I arrived, there was no more free stuff at the Expo. A real shame, too, as I’m often in the market for detox tea.