Help or Hinder?

Mental Pilates has been discussing the idea of Competing Identities -- Identities that take over our focus and ability to be fully-functioning TSA screeners. Sarah had brilliant descriptions of Competing Identities ranging from CEO of the Universe to Gloppy from Candy Land! I wanted to think of a few of mine, but since I'm no CEO of the Universe (instead, more like Project ADD Master of Distraction), I didn't quite get around to it.

I quickly threw a few thoughts together, trying to form a cohesive Competing Identity, and the closest I came to was this: The Eggshell Walker. (Like I said, I didn't actually get the whole thing fully thought through, and this includes the title; don't judge me).

I often feel that I live my life walking on eggshells, careful to never tip the apple cart, making no sudden movements, etc. -- choose your metaphor. All of this is in an effort to make people like me (don't say anything too weird or quirky around new friends! Don't appear too into a guy you like! Don't say anything at work lest it be stupid and wrong!). And the next thing I know, I feel like a watered down robot version of myself with no one ever getting to know the real me unless they wait around ten years for me to open up.

Then, during Tuesday's webinar, Andy said something that made me pause. He started talking about how our Competing Identities make us lose sight of our goals and thwart us on our paths toward achieving what we truly desire.

But hold up!, I thought. The whole reason I walk on eggshells is to achieve my goals! I want new friends to like me, I want to be in a lasting relationship, I want to succeed and be respected at work!

Granted, I recognize that Eggshell Walker ultimately hinders this process because I end up too scared to call people or open up lest I frighten them off, I'm so fearful of error at work that I rarely open my mouth unless I'm 100% sure of what I'm saying and it's been rehearsed 17 times in my head, and my crippling fear of failure often has me avoiding real life goals before I have the opportunity to discover that no one wants to publish my book.

So how do we reconcile when these Competing Identities actually do have the best of intentions... but ultimately lead us astray? If we're starting down a path saying, "surely this is the best method to achieving vitality!" at what point are we to stop, reassess, and realize we've somehow wandered off and are now bush-whacking through dis-ease? And how do we find our way back onto the path if we're the geniuses who decided to follow the advice of well-meaning but ultimately fraudulent Competing Identities in the first place?

More questions than answers here. Though this is probably just a symptom of my Project ADD Master of Distraction: ask a bunch of questions, go off on tangents, forget where I started, and then it's on to another idea. Oooh, look, a shiny object!