Bad hair days, control issues, and Frisbees

It's official -- the day I never thought would arrive showed up with bells on yesterday: I attended my first Mental Pilates webinar session.

Now, just to set a couple of facts straight:

1. In no way am I claiming to be flawless and lacking the need for personal improvements, keys to happiness, or an overall mental health extreme makeover.

2. In no way am I implying that Mental Pilates can't aid in personal improvements, provide keys to happiness, or help with mental health makeovers.

I'm just dubious as to whether Mental Pilates can do all of this for me. I'm a hard nut to crack. Emphasis on the term "nut."

The hairs on the back of my neck first started to prick up when Andy began speaking about community involvement, asserting that only when secured in a community and establishing social connections can we feel at ease. At ease?! With people around me? That's when I'm the least at ease.

I thrive in solitude. I don't judge me or the extra weight I'd like to lose; I don't need to wear a perfectly accessorized ensemble to impress myself; I don't need to say the wittiest statement to entertain myself; and I certainly don't need to go out of my way to accomplish X, Y, and Z in order to feel successful or brilliant. I'm happy in the comfort of my home in years' old pajamas, unkempt hair, and knowing that at least I get my wacky sense of humour. You want to add people into that mix, and suddenly it's anxiety, stress, paranoia, and a sudden feeling that I don't measure up. Pass.

I was still trying to figure out how I could artfully navigate through my seven weeks of Mental Pilates and be considered a successful graduate of the program while still being a social recluse when Andy moved on to the topic of being in control of processing one's emotions.

Control? I like control. Keep talking.

Alright, so we're processing emotions... we're not going to let ourselves be derailed by one negative thing... we're going to stay positive... and we're going to move on.

This is where I'd insert my equivalent to Andy's "that's all well and good... for a dog!" exclamation.

Clearly we oughtn't let one negative blip on our radar throw us into a ravine of melodrama, no. But how are we supposed to properly process the blip without dwelling on it for a moment (or more)? I like to over-analyze, it's true. Guilty. And yes, clearly over-analyzing can lead to these negative thought process cycles of which Andy speaks. "How did this argument with my sister really begin? Let's start by looking at our childhood together and pick out every bad thing that every happened; that'll provide answers!" Add a bottle of Jack to that internal dialogue and you've got yourself a party.

But sometimes I feel like Mental Pilates is telling us to do the polar opposite: "You got in a fight with your sister? Let it go! Move on! Love one another!" To which I want to dig my heels in the dirt and cry out, "hold on there just a moment! I want to talk about this! I need answers!" And thus enters the whiskey and the party phase.

Where's the happy medium? Can't we talk, process, maybe even dwell on negative occurrences in our lives in a responsible and self-educating manner without spiraling out of control? To simply turn the cheek and "move on," that feels like the "for a dog!" approach.

Can we learn to balance along the edge of the ravine -– neither falling in nor running away in the opposite direction (simply "moving on") like a dog chasing a Frisbee?

Wait, has this entire blog post been an over-analyzation dissecting and reconstructing over-analyzation?

Crap. Quick, someone throw a Frisbee.