When asked if I was type A, my little brother would respond "No, she's type A plus." It is possible that he isn't exaggerating, at least in the homework realm. I love dotting my I's and crossing my T's so to speak and a workbook to fill out is way more exciting than it should be. I printed out the workbook yesterday and began the exercises. I was surprised to find though, that exercise one was more than filling something out and crossing it off in my planner...I kept on thinking about it for the rest of the day. I was haunted by the assignment, but in a good way.
Let me explain. I sat down with the blank sheet and came up with about 20 attributes before calling it a day. Most of them were labels like "sister", "grant-writer", and "MBA student"...coming up with them was really easy. I guess my psyche was not satisfied that I reduced myself to these 20 terms, because throughout the day I kept thinking of more and more things. Being type A+, I of course whipped out my workbook each time and neatly jotted it down with the same pen I had used for the rest of my entries. What was interesting though is that they became more and more complex as the day went on. In having to define myself to complete the assignment, I actually had to define myself for myself. I ended with much more revealing entries like "I am afraid of being alone", " I would do anything for my friends", and "I need some downtime/alonetime each day in order to thrive." I was just wondering if the assignment has caused anyone else to "scratch the surface" so to speak.
~ Sarah
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While you believe you are type A+, most who know me would not give me such a high grade in the homeworkophile category.
ReplyDeleteYet, our experiences are actually quite similar!!! This is an exercise I find myself going back to on a daily basis. Whenever I am momentarily co-opted by an emotional distraction that consumes my awareness; I immediately try and determine what the "label" or "phrase" behind that event would be.
Over time, I have discovered fascinating aspects about the patterns that have formed in my life.
For instance, I had been observing a trend of anxious moments in my life. I would best describe them as anxiety attacks. They occurred when I was trying do something that was new to me, and for which I felt I might be unproven. The most significant occurred when I was presiding over a marriage of a daughter of a dear friend. At the moment when we cued the music, I was stricken with anxiety to the point where I thought I would pass out and fall in the lake where we were performing the ceremony.
As I have explored and investigated this recurring phenomena, I have learned a great deal. For me, it is this "frame of awareness" that I might not be "prepared" to do what it is I am doing. This fear has the capacity to explode out of control, as it did the day of the wedding.
By exposing the pattern, and the identifying the "frame of awareness" I have been able to redirect my awareness away form this "frame" and focus on my breath and remain at ease.
It works for me and it is a useful tool in my arsenal of tricks!!!!
Thanks Sarah!!!