A Change The Past 2 Weeks

While I haven't been actively participating on the blog since I've been busy with myriad of things, I have been paying attention and practicing the MP Philosophy...or at least what I know of it at this point and have found a change within me.

First, let me state that I have two major "bears" in my closet...

A) A predisposition (both biological and learned) to anxiety.

B) Procrastination...which I've always reasoned is OK since I work well with working "under fire" when I finally need to get off my ass and get things done.

What I've found is as follows:

While I haven't been physically keeping an "awareness journal" I have been doing so mentally and I'd argue the point that it works just fine. While it does not give me a documented data base which I could go back and sort to look for patterns, it has made me increasingly aware of what my triggers are on the negative side and what the good things are that go on in my life. It's almost like learning to ride a bike or swing a tennis racket...it becomes an innate activity. What I've found is that I am able to recognize my anxiety triggers (typically they are physical sensations of something being wrong which I brood about, thereby causing more anxiety to the point of having to escape with Xanax to control them). In recognizing them at their onset, I now accept them for what they are and redirect my awareness by retreating momentarily to a place where I'm always "at ease".....that being on the beach, with a breeze blowing, the terns riding the winds and the dune grasses swaying. It's a visualization that at current, works every time. rather than doing Xanax daily, by redirecting, I've only had to do so once now in the past week and a half. Definitely a big improvement for me, especially as it's now becoming second nature.

As far as the procrastination issue, this one os a bit more of a bear for me, especially since I'm laid off and a sense of direction is hard to come by....as is knowing what darn day of the week it is! I've actually spent time internally, quasi redirecting my thoughts toward what I want to do with my life going forward. While I still don't know if it's totally feasible, I have taught myself that I am a good photographer, that I do have something to offer and that I do have the kills to organize and teach others the art of landscape and nature photography and actually begin to make a living from it. This is where I need to refine my love for myself and my abilities and put them to a practical use in my life. I will be giving a 1 hour lecture at MA Audubon on 3/10 and that will be my sort of "coming out" party (stop laughing), where I will formally announce that I'll be giving individual and group lessons, seminars, etc. I now need to get a blog going, restructure or create a new web site (organized no less), and make this real.

Also, one thing I've always wanted to do is natural light nude photography (no..I don't want to be standing out in the sun naked taking pictures...I want to create classy images of others). Always wanted to so it and I realize that I need to get off my butt, get some instruction and see if I can't incorporate this into my photography repertoire as it will really feed my artistic cravings and they are a large part of who I am.

I've also realized or affirmed my prior knowledge that I procrastinate about a lot of things. When I catch myself sliding down that slope now, I step back for a moment, redirect and don't allow myself to get off track. It's not perfect yet, but it is getting a whole lot better :)

So...that's where I am. A little unorthodox relative to the MP structure outline, but I have to be honest and say that the entire philosophy has had a positive effect in just a few short weeks.